4 Ways to Find a Paypig

4 Ways to Find a Paypig

How to find a pay pig

It’s not easy being a Femdom out there. But, a good dominatrix knows the way to a client’s deepest desires, and becoming a Findom is an extension of that. 

The world of financial domination is filled with scammers and fakes looking to make a quick buck. But beneath all the hustle and bustle of the surface, there is a real opportunity to make a steady income and engage in what you love as a Findom. 

We’re here to help new Findoms find the best places to network and find their first paypigs without getting tripped up or lost in the crowd. 

What is a Paypig in Findom?

A paypig is a derogatory yet playful name for submissives who derive their pleasure through Findom by being forced to give money to their dominant (consensually, of course). 

The power dynamic that plays out excites the paypig because it humiliates them and causes them to lose control over one of their sources of power: their money. 

It’s a niche in the BDSM community that’s been growing in popularity but has its concerns and problems, just like most kinks. 

Using Kink Dating Sites to Find a Paypig

Findoms find their paypigs through findom websites, social media, OnlyFans, or Kink communities online.

For BDSM dating sites, you can try sites like BDSMDatingOnly.com that cater specifically to those interested in fetish relationships, including Femdoms and Findoms. 

For these sites, you need to make a dating profile that highlights what you’re looking for and your interests, including your limits and boundaries. You can also use it as a place to explain what you’re looking for in a paypig. 

Most BDSM dating sites have search filters that can help you sort through tags and keywords in members’ profiles. Unfortunately, most of these don’t work perfectly, but they’re a good starting point.

When using a site like this, you should be clear and upfront about your expectations. The more straightforward your profile, the more likely you’ll find what you’re looking for – nothing too fancy is needed here. It’s also the best starting point for a healthy BDSM relationship. 

Trying Social Media: X (formerly Twitter)

Because Twitter allows adult content and is quite a popular social media platform, it’s become the most popular platform for femdoms and Findoms to advertise their services and provide previews of their content to entice potential subs.

One of the best uses of the platform is to provide a stream of content highlighting the Findom lifestyle. By posting engaging content consistently, using the right hashtags, and interacting with your followers, you can quickly build a dedicated following of potential clients. 

Twitter allows for more casual, mainstream interactions, giving you access to the broadest possible audience. You can share all kinds of content, including photos, videos, and clever text. This should be used to give a peek into your persona, giving subs a taste of what they can expect from you. 

Using OnlyFans

It’s no secret that OnlyFans has emerged as the premiere website for offering homemade adult content to one’s target audience for a premium.

Just like with regular adult content, you can upload and curate kink content for whatever fee or subscription you’d like to charge on OnlyFans. This can range from just photos to full-length videos, personalized messages, and live sessions. It’s all highly customizable.

So, while OnlyFans is fantastic for monetization of your craft, the site doesn’t advertise its creators much. You’ll have to bring clients from other platforms, like X, Reddit, TikTok, or FetLife, to build your audience.

Joining the Kink Community: FetLife

You can also join one of the many online kink communities, FetLife chief among them. FetLife is a social networking site specifically catered to the BDSM community. 

It’s a lot like Facebook in its basic setup, but obviously much more tailored to what interests the kink community. On it, it’s easy to meet and connect with lots of like-minded individuals, and besides online groups, there are also many avenues to discover and join real-life local events. 

Advantages to FetLife for finding a paypig include the ability to write in-depth profiles that people actually read. You can then join in on discussions about specific interests related to Findom and groups dedicated to it. This is where you’ll find many people interested in meeting a good Findom. 

Finally, you can use their local events pages to find real-life events worth attending for your search. Here, you can network with the locals and meet new potential clients in a safe and fun environment. 

Building Trust and Setting Boundaries

Once you’ve begun the hunt for a paypig, building trust and setting clear boundaries are the next steps, regardless of your methods and platform. 

Many inexperienced Findoms out there are just looking to take advantage of men. But Findom came out of a specific tradition of Femdom and is an extension of the practices and desires from there. 

The best Findoms know how to create this power dynamic without being exploitative through a mutual understanding between them and their paypig. 


These are just some of the most straightforward options to get you started on the right path. When you’re on these sites, search other successful Findoms to see their strategies. Don’t copy them, but seeing what’s trending and successful is key to getting your name out there. 

Remember, there are pay pigs out there who are genuinely interested in finding you. It’s just about getting out there and being authentic with your services, and eventually, the piggies will find the truffles they’re looking for, oink oink!

How To Find A Dominant Woman

How To Find A Dominant Woman

dominant woman

For many men, the idea of always being in charge becomes boring. Some girls like to be told what to do, but for some men, the real kink comes from a role reversal. Instead of always telling your partner what to do, which can become boring, being put in your place by a female can be incredibly arousing. With that in mind, you might wonder how to find a dominant woman.

This could be a one-off meeting, a professional femdom relationship, or a new long-term relationship where you both are together, but she wears the pants. If you want to learn how to find a dominant partner, read on to help you understand what to look out for to find the right person for you.

1. Work out what you want

If you are looking to meet a long-term girlfriend who takes charge, you might need to look for a femdom personals site. If you want to meet someone for a regular or one-off domination experience, you should be looking for a dominatrix whom you can hire for the experience. Determine if you want a woman in your life who dominates you daily, or someone who you meet when the urge takes over. Your choice!

2. Find a safe place to look

The first thing that you need to do is to find some safe websites that offer the chance to see a dominant female partner. These femdom dating sites could be what you are looking for. These platforms are verified and vetted for safety and will only put you in touch with a dominant woman who takes the experience seriously.

3. Look around locally

Outside of the internet, it would be best if you also looked for potential hookup spots for people in the femdom community like Fetlife. You are going to need to put yourself out there a little. Look around for local BDSM meet-up points; you can find these on forums and social media aimed at BDSM communities. You might be shocked at where you are going to meet these people – it’s not all sex dungeons and underground clubs!

4. Accept rejection

Unfortunately, rejection is going to be part of your journey of how to find a dominant woman. Some women are not interested in being in charge, while others might not find you their cup of tea. They might prefer someone with a different look or set of personality traits. It is what it is, so just accept the fact that you might not be what they are looking for. You will find someone eventually.

5. Avoid being ‘domstruck’

One of the biggest killers for a potential dominant woman is meeting a guy who is ‘domstruck’ by them. They want you to let them be in charge, but fear is not an attractive component. You should be polite and normal with them; you have probably met a dominant woman in your workplace or social life without even knowing it. Avoid talking to every potential dominant partner like they are an alien; it will ruin the experience.

6. Know what you are looking for

Many people who want to know how to find a dominant woman arrive with little to no experience of what domination is actually about. If you arrive expecting them to fill you in on the A to Z, it will be a boring experience. Learn about what female dominance actually involves so that you know what to look out for and what a dominant woman wants from her male conquest. This reduces the risk of awkwardness or boredom on their part.

7. Read the profile carefully

If you encounter a dominant woman, make sure you fit her personality profile. You will be blown off, ignored, or insulted if you turn up and are nothing like what she is looking for. So, make sure that you will be someone she will likely find interesting – this stops a lot of the awareness and time-wasting on all sides.

8. Be authentically yourself

Part of the joy for a dominant woman is meeting a man who is not wearing a mask. Whatever you are as a person, be that – do not turn up and try to be someone you are not. You will have a much better chance of finding that dominating partner if you are yourself and do not try to act like what you think they want. This is not like writing a resume to discover a job; you are who you are, not what the resume asks for.

Stick to the above concepts; you should find it easier to encounter a dominant woman. It might be the woman in your work who you never expected or someone you see on a femdom website. Whatever your choice or preference, use the above tips to make the experience easier.

What is Adult Website SEO?

What is Adult Website SEO?

You’ve probably heard that you need adult website SEO but with so much information floating around, it can be confusing to understand what it really does. And if you’re running an adult business, it can be even harder to find help regarding adult website SEO due to the risqué nature of the content on your website. This is where I, your humble Fetish Webmistress, can help… Let’s begin. 

SEO stands for Search Engine Optimisation. 

The idea is that when you optimise your adult website using SEO, Google will favour your site and send you the valuable traffic needed to convert sales or bring in new clients. If you want your adult industry-based or professional dominatrix website listed high in Google’s results, then you will need a Search Engine Optimised site. 

The aim is to have your website displayed at the top of the “organic searches” as opposed to “paid search” because, as usual sex workers don’t enjoy the privileges of mainstream business and as such paid listings in search engines like Google, are simply not an option. So primarily, SEO is all about trying to get your adult website, pro-domme or sex worker website on page 1 of the “organic search” results without having to pay for it. 


What’s a Search Engine? 

One of the first things to understand is the role of the search engine, and why they are so important to your professional dominatrix or adult industry business. I may be teaching grandma to suck eggs but just for clarity’s sake, a search engine is a massive website directory that indexes millions of pages from websites across the internet. They send out ‘spiders’ to crawl websites so they can offer the best results to the human that are using their search functions. 

In short, a search engine is a website you can search for things on. It will give you the answers to all of the questions. It’s important for you and your sex worker business to be the top answer to your clients’ questions! If you are wondering, “How can I do this, Miss May?” Read on…

How You Can Improve Your Adult Website SEO

This is all great information but how do you actually go about improving the SEO on your mistress or adult website and get yourself in the top-ranking spots? There are a number of factors that need to be taken into account, plus a few little industry secrets that can help boost your adult business today!

On-Page SEO

There are two primary components of search engine optimisation that will impact where your website will appear in the SERP’s (Search Engine Results Pages). The first is called On-Page SEO. 

The job of On-Page SEO is to make sure your web pages tell the search engine spiders what your website is about. When a search engine crawls your website, your On-Page SEO will indicate to them what the subject of the website is about. We want Google to know that your website offers the best answer to its users’ questions and that it can feel 100% secure on suggesting that your website has the best answer.


Keywords are essential for On-Page SEO. The search engine crawler or spider will be looking for keywords on your web pages to see if these match the search query. They will look at the titles on your page, the description, alt-text on the photos etc. So when deciding what keywords to include on your professional dominatrix or adult industry website SEO, think about the language potential clients may use to search for you. 

On-Page SEO will include: 

  • Keywords in the URL
  • Keywords in the Page Title
  • Keywords in the Page Description
  • Keywords in the page’s content headings
  • Keywords in the image alt-text
  • and you guessed it, keywords in the body of the content

I know that sounds like a hell of a lot of repetition but you do actually need to be careful not to “spam” the keywords; you should make sure they appear naturally throughout the page content. If you use WordPress, then a plugin like Yoast for SEO or RankMath will help you make good judgement in this respect.


Off-Page SEO & Back Links

To complement On-Page SEO, you need a certain amount of Off-Page SEO factors to appear in search results. This is the other important factor to consider when optimising your website. 

Every website needs some links pointing to it from other websites. These are known as back links. Most adult industry sites will include a page of links or professional contacts towards the end of their navigation menu. If possible, those links need to include the keywords you are trying to rank for. That’s why it is vital to list yourself on Mistress Directories and link to other credible adult industry or professional dominatrix sites. 

Google uses a Page Rank algorithm to put value on your page. The more links you have from credible and compatible websites, the higher your page rank is likely to be. Google will also index your website more quickly if it can see these other authoritative websites are also linking you, offering you some sex worker ‘street-cred’. 

Where do I start with my own adult website SEO? 

A lot to take in, right? And if you are wondering why you might have been on page 1 for a while and then began to fall away from the top rankings, well, SEO is a constant process, and your site’s SEO needs to be maintained to ensure the search engines know you are still relevant. 

If your site is already well optimised and you’re looking for a way to maintain your rankings, posting blogs is a great way to keep the keywords on your site fresh. Blogs posts don’t need to be super long or overthought; there are plenty of ways to encourage the search engines to rank you highly while keeping your clients and professional contacts interested. Need some blogging ideas? Read my post “Blogging Ideas for the Femdom Community”

If your site is brand new and you are starting from scratch with the optimisation, work through each point above as they will be a great step towards helping you get the best results. Of course, if you’re struggling or if you’d rather focus on your primary job and leave the tech up to the pros, you can contact me for a free, no-obligation quote.

Let me take the headache out of your adult website SEO

Yes, please! I need ALL of the help

My top 3 SEO tips for Sex Workers

My top 3 SEO tips for Sex Workers

I’ve been working on SEO strategies for a broad range of adult industry companies and sex workers since the beginning of Google. Here I share the first 3 SEO steps I take when starting to work with a new SEO client.

1. Consider the big picture

While getting listed on page 1 of Google for your most obvious keywords may be your ultimate goal, the truth is that if the keywords are particularly competitive it may not happen within 12 months. Often it can take longer.

The riches are in the niches. 

SEO tips for sex workers

So if it’s going to take that long for your website to climb up Google ranking results, meantime, how else can we quickly gain traffic from Google? The answer is by creating search engine optimised content for other keywords.

I ask my clients to think about their specific niches and specialities, and what types of sessions they would really love to be getting booked for. We also consider how their ideal client will be searching for those services. Those niches become your keywords and voila we have the basis for a brand new page or blog post for your website. 

When a client finds your website while searching for their specific niche (that you just happen to adore as well) and then books a session, it’s a match made in heaven, right? 

Example: If your favourite activity is chastity training but all you do is simply mention that on a list of activities, the keyword will get lost amongst the noise. I want you to create a full-page dedication to this service. Place yourself as the authority on the subject. If it is a highly competitive subject 300 words really are not enough – I recommend at least 1000. Use the keywords in the page title, repeat the keyword and its synonyms throughout the text. Make sure you include at least one photo and add alt-text to the photo.

You sell what you show.

Google will not only love your new page but your potential client will consider you an expert and who doesn’t want to leave their prized possession in the hands of an expert?

2. Local SEO. 

Always include your location when you are writing about something that would involve a real-time meeting.

County Offaly Architecture GIF by Acorn TV - Find & Share on GIPHY

Further to my example above – if you are only interested in real-time meets for chastity training, you will benefit from adding your location to the page dedicated to chastity. Your page title could be something like Chastity Training Mistress in <your location>. Include variations of that phrase throughout your page text. Your location is not only important to Google but it improves your website visitor’s experience too.

3. Backlinks. 

Recently a client was confused because her colleague’s website was listed on page 1 for a specific set of keywords to which she herself had been devoting all her SEO efforts – even though her colleague claimed that she didn’t even know wtf SEO was! I did some research i.e internet stalked on said colleague and discovered they’d gained plenty of mainstream publicity which to Google, is the equivalent of a gold medal. So Google takes into account the value of your global branding too. The more your website and brand has infiltrated the WWW, the more reputable Google will trust that you are the most worthwhile source to offer its users in the search results. 

Where, as Sex Workers, can we find these “backlinks”?

Lisa Simpson Episode 22 GIF by The Simpsons - Find & Share on GIPHY

You might think mistress directories are a waste of money and time, however, Google considers your listings on these websites as votes for your websites!  I recommend you regularly seek out new backlinks to your websites, whether it is the latest Mistress directory, an alternative edgy magazine or mainstream press – if you want that kind of publicity in your life. 

So, what should you do next?

  1. Write a blog post or new page on your favourite kink. If you wish to gain local visitors, include your location.
  2. Tweet your new pages! Not just once, repeating tweets of your website content is OK.
  3. Get listed on local & national Mistress Directories
  4. Collaborate online with other sites and even other SWers to improve your global branding

Here are some older posts relevant to this topic that might help you write your new post/page:

SEO tips for attracting clients you will love
SEO is a popularity contest

If you know how important SEO is for your website, but don’t have the time to implement it or would rather just leave it to an expert Contact Me


A world without Twitter.

A world without Twitter.

Considering all the forms of advertising that exist and have ever existed for sex work and related industries, the most powerful is, and always has been, without a doubt Twitter. I’ve been creating and marketing websites for sex workers since 2000. My first clients came to me because the era of the tart card was drawing to an end. The Tart Cards were like postcards and were mostly placed in London’s famous red phone boxes. They were adverts depicting the ladies and their sexual services along with contact details. The design work ranged from classy and cool to nasty and lewd and often the photos or artwork were clip art or had been cut out of magazines. The residents of London’s boroughs –  typically Paddington, Kensington and Baker St – eventually won their way when they were banned in 2001 ~ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tart_card

Around this time there were rumblings of a new form of advertising via the WWW and websites were becoming a must-have marketing tool. At this point, although Google did not yet exist, there were various search engines – who remembers Ask Geeves?.  Search engines were “the next big thing”: the clever girls knew it, and it was also the very beginning of the first online directories dedicated to promoting sex workers. I’m thinking of you Max Fisch and Dickie Virgin

SEO principles back then were quite simple, and you really only needed a basic website. In order to hit the front page of the search engines, you could simply stuff your homepage with a huge list of service related keywords and locations – anything you thought your clients might type into the search engines… This practice is now frowned upon and Google may even penalise “Black Hat SEO” Times have changed! 

Social Media and Censorship

As an adult industry based webmistress and marketer I have tried out all the Social Media platforms. Facebook has kicked me off more times than I can remember; blocking my access to well-crafted and nurtured fetish/femdom related Fan Pages that I’d been running for clients. The most aggravating case might have been when working with highly respected, BAFTA award-winning director, Stuart Urban. After the success of our first crowdfunded campaign to restore and remaster the original film of Preaching To The Perverted , Stuart’s hope to create a sequel of sorts was diminished by FB’s narrow minded politics. PTTP’s audience was prevalent on FB as a balance between mainstream and fetish scene fans. We were using FB ads to increase our reach by promoting the crowdfunding Kickstarter (who had accepted us, and whom  we’d successfully used in the past campaign for PTTP).  When the Tortured in the Orchard’s page and ads to raise capital were shut down at a crucial point in the funding campaign it  meant we were unable to meet our target and dreams of producing a fun sequel crashed. The most frustrating part was not receiving an explanation or any reason why… except that it was adult content. Which it really was not, because BAFTA?

Facebook, now the proud owners of Instagram have never wavered on its no-female-nudity stance and now both platforms are wiped clean quickly via their magic algorithms that use image-metrics and can detect a female nipple. Even the mere mention of the word ‘boudoir’ my have you shadow banned.  They’ve even gone as far as banning the use of emojis that possibly indicate sexual activity.

“Hundreds of porn stars and sex workers had their Instagram accounts deleted this year, and many say that they’re being held to a different standard than mainstream celebrities.” ~ https://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-trending-50222380

It would be funny if it wasn’t so ludicrous

So, how did we all end up on Twitter? 

Icons made by Google from www.flaticon.com

When Twitter popped up in 2006, it was initially a baffling concept for me.  Self-hosted online forums were still quite popular with plenty of space for debate and depending on the website – the owners and moderators – a fairly relaxed policy towards adult imagery and discussion. At this point, Facebook was only 2 years old and Instagram non-existent. So with a mere 140 characters to make a point on Twitter… how did we manage…?  

Twitter and Censorship

Despite Twitter’s quite tight terms and conditions, it’s the largest free mainstream platform that is still quite open to sexual content. It seems that if you are diligent in indicating that your content may contain sensitive media ( you can do this under your Account > Settings and Privacy > Privacy and safety > Mark media you Tweet as containing material that may be sensitive) they willingly allow us to share and promote adult imagery and services within our profiles (though your header and profile image may not contain sensitive media). 

Instances of possible censorship include having accounts deactivated (Madame Caramel claims to be on her 18th account) and shadow banning. However… I believe it might just be down to misbehaviour. A colleague has elaborated further on shadow banning and broken down Twitter’s T&Cs into relevant snippets on his website here eyemblacksheep.com

Twitter as a referral system

Twitter has opened up many business opportunities, which would not be possible otherwise. Social influence is not just restricted to mainstream celebrities: Twitter is the ultimate virtual word-of-mouth referral based system and between many of my femdom, sex work, BDSM and fetish clients the notion of the community over competition, is strong. 

Furthermore, the idea that potential clients can interact with the Mistress in their sights, and to an extent get to know them from a distance, is priceless marketing that costs nothing except the time needed to nurture an interesting, well-crafted Twitter profile. 

Get to the point, Miss May

It’s too easy to grow comfortable and rely on just one system for our promotion.  We all know that “putting our eggs in one basket” is never a good idea, right?. And even since I have started to write this (end of 2019), the idea of Twitter – as we know it – is on shaky grounds…. SOSTA/FESTA was voted in the USA forcing Backpage to close down along with many other websites that were unsure of their position in the law. The word on the virtual-street was that Twitter would be the next to send their sex work profiles packing. I am pleased to say that so far, this has not been the case. In fact, I have stopped worrying about new censorship laws since the UK has forever been trying to force regulations that never quite make it through… different story. I won’t go there now. 

Where do we go to in a world without Twitter??

After all the followers we’ve gained, and relationships nurtured, what happens if one day we are ALL booted off Twitter? 

What’s your backup plan?

Twitter does provide a backup system of sorts. But it’s only an archive of your posts, media and interactions. I just downloaded mine and it looked like this:

So I can see all of my tweets, likes and direct messages but I do not get a back up of accounts that follow me and vice versa.

Go to your Account:
> More (it’s the circle with three dots)
> Setting and Privacy
> Your Account
> Download an archive of your data

Your Website is your business’s online home

If you are in business and on Twitter, I’d like to assume that you at least have a reasonably well thought out website and online business plan. You don’t have your own website? Read on. 

Your website is the one thing you can count on if all things fail. Find yourself a web person you can trust. But definitely don’t make that person your current slave. No matter how much you trust them. In my two decades as a web designer, I have seen so many websites breaking down along with messy breakups. In the long run, it’s 100% worth paying a neutral party to deal with your professional affairs. 

Please, make sure that your domain name is registered to YOU. Not to your webmaster, nor your best friend, and again, certainly not your current slave in service. This topic is a whole other post in itself but simply put YOU must be the registered owner of your own URL i.e domain name. 

Make sure you have regular backups of your website being archived somewhere that YOU can access. My hosting company backs up all of my websites once a month. I also recommend a weekly (or more often) backup with a plugin like Updraft Plus(if you’re using WordPress). 

Mailing List – Email Marketing

Who doesn’t love receiving a juicy email packed full of the latest news and photos of your favourite online person?

Your website and mailing list should be your major point of contact and therefore you should, at the very least, be maintaining it regularly via promotion and backing up. Promote it to increase your regular audience, back it up to secure that audience. Back up your mailing list regularly; ensure you will be able to regain contact with them in the event you lose access to it. 

Of course, the repression and censorship of Sex Workers often work against us, so I am sorry to say it but MailChimp is not your friend and I have had clients lose their accounts in the past. There are however always other options!  I have successfully set up clients on YMLP.com and someone else I know is using ConstantContact and has been for years. I am not going to recommend them with 100% confidence because, you already know it, adult sex work probably goes against their T&Cs. It is up to you to take the risk and always do that backup! Make it a weekly or monthly admin task. If you use WordPress there are lead generator and newsletter plugin options that I am currently investigating however, the setup may be arduous. Have a look at https://www.thenewsletterplugin.com/

So, to sum up the whole point of this rather drawn out article: In a world without Twitter to market ourselves on, the two basic tools you should be bulletproofing are your WEBSITE and your Mailing List! Do this now, and secure your present and future as a successful and smart business owner. 

Need some help getting set up?
Contact Me for a no-obligation consultation.


Rachel May

Don’t forget to follow me on Twit! @Miss__May